Not that anyone cares about this blog but myself, but…..that was a long hiatus. 

It’s not even a blog at this point. I mean, honestly, this is just a very public diary. Although calling it a diary assumes it’s updated more regularly than once every 4 years. 

Okay, so maybe it’s an insider look into my subconscious. The melodramatic, incoherent ramblings of a twenty-two year old who is stuck in her parent’s home without any privacy.

Last post, I had a boyfriend. So much has changed. It’s been a year since a very messy breakup via Zoom. He’s now thousands of miles away. 

The ex-boyfriend came back into my world and then decided that hitting a girl and pinning her against the car is what you should do to get what you want, so a big fuck you to him. It felt really good to tell him to his face that I had no feelings left for him anymore. Felt even better drafting a restraining order. I haven’t decided what I want to do with it yet.

New job. New people. New anxieties. New vices.

I’m trying so hard to find new friends. The old ones have all moved on without me…again. I know I don’t need them, but damn it hurts to see them carry on. I need to clean out my Instagram. Again.

I am continually fighting the urge to go back on Tumblr and slip back into my old ways. I started thinking about it all again. I miss it sometimes. It was, in some ways, nice.

I know that all of this drama and angst is just because it’s Cancer season, and I’m a Leo. I know that I don’t actually feel this way all of the time, or certainly not as often as I make it sound, but that’s part of the fun, I guess? 

Now this might be just high thoughts, but I feel like sometimes I force myself back into the dark space after too many good things happen in a row. Like, it almost seems to good to be true so I have to self-medicate with a dose of “reality” before I lose sight of who I was. 

That’s so fucked up.

I avoid therapy like the plague. I need it, for sure. Too many traumatic scenarios to avoid it much longer. But I’ll write these useless pages of content instead. 

xoxo,

Lucy