We all know the song RESPECT by Aretha Franklin. If you don’t know it, go listen to it now. Here, I’ll even give you a link. Go listen, and come back when you’re done.

Now that this song is stuck in your head (you’re welcome, btw), let’s chat about respect.

In my opinion, respect is not something you’re born into, it’s something you earn. For instance, I’m not going to respect you just because your parents are multi-billionaires. I’ll respect you if you are kind, and treat me with respect as well.

The ability to listen also plays a HUGE role in my definition of respect. If you can’t manage the simple courtesy to be quiet for a couple minutes to hear me out, you clearly lack the capacity to be a decent human being and therefore, are not worthy of my respect.

It may just be me, but I feel like I have to keep reminding people that my opinions–okay, my fucking sentences at this point–matter. Maybe it’s because I’m a white female college student, but lately I feel like I open my mouth and nobody listens. Like, my own family asks me questions, but doesn’t stick around for the answer. Talk about awkward. So, that’s why I’m writing this. This needs to change.

I haven’t been following the Supreme Court stuff going down this week, but honestly, you don’t need to know the ins and outs of this case to see the blatant lack of respect by both sides. FIRST OFF, you always have the utmost respect for the courtroom and the presiding judge, even when the ruling doesn’t go your way. SECONDLY, and this has seemed to become a trend, but when a woman is talking about something absolutely terrible that she has experienced:

1. you can bet this took a lot of courage for her to get up and talk about this; and
2. her words matter.

It doesn’t matter if she is young, old, white, black, gay, straight, liberal, conservative, whatever. Her words MATTER. And if you ask her a question, you better stick around for the damn answer.

Way too often I see girls my age sit in silence on issues that affect them because they feel they won’t be heard. Too often I see my own friends subjected to the steam rolling of someone else’s opinions, beliefs, judgements. Why do we still do this? We have way more platforms of communication than ever before, so why is it so hard to have a conversation with someone. Seriously! One of the very first things I find attractive in a person is not their physical attractiveness, but their ability to hold a conversation. That’s one of the things my ex boyfriend and my current boyfriend have in common: they both can carry on a conversation for hours on end. And by conversation, I mean that they not only speak up about things that interest them, but they also ask me about my interests and then COMMENT on my responses WITHOUT BEING DEGRADING. Truly, one of the rarer character traits nowadays.

But it shouldn’t be like this. Both men and women shouldn’t feel like they can’t report a sexual assault. You shouldn’t have to feel like your words don’t matter. Your words and opinions are important. They should be valued, not shunned.

All this to say, the next time you find yourself in a conversation with someone, ask yourself to mentally repeat what they just said. If you can’t get at least the main point of what they’re saying, guess what? You weren’t listening.