When I get depressed, I turn into this crazy, whorish fiend. I really don’t understand it, but it’s been happening since I was 15, shortly after I had my first kiss. Maybe that was the trigger? Maybe that’s when I realized my destiny was to be a whore?? I don’t know, but trust me, I would love to take back some of the many, many horrible things I did during my depression. 

Or maybe this all is because I was a sheltered child throughout elementary and middle school. But then again, this overly protected child developed a serious porn addiction by the age of 12….so, that’s probably not it either. #ItsAlwaysTheQuietOnes.

Or, maybe this is all genetics! My birth mother was only 19 when she had me, so maybe my body is freaking out because I’m not on the same track she was and I’m breaking the generational tradition of teen pregnancies! No, that’s too “cosmic power-y…”

So, maybe it’s because despite my social anxiety, I crave the attention. Maybe it’s because my birth father abandoned me and slut-shamed my mother even though he and I look nearly identical. Apparently, I’ve always been kind of a “slut,” according to some ex-childhood friends, who claim I was “posing seductively on the stairs for the gardeners” at the tender age of 8. 

No matter what the cause, it’s not something I can control. I can control my actions, yes. I’m not going to go out and start turning tricks every time I feel slightly sad. But there’s definitely a marked difference between normal Lucy and the whorish fiend Lucy. I’m more outspoken, confident, and definitely not covering up any of my assets….okay, my one asset…. 🍑

My point is, people which social anxiety aren’t always the closeted, shy individuals who run away at the sight of other humanoids like society says we are. Personally, I crave more attention than I know is “acceptable,” because I’m still trying to fill that hole in my life, whatever that may be… But at the same time, I get really insanely freaked out when I’m asked to speak in front of my class. Or in front of anyone, for that matter… 😕

Anyways….I don’t remember my point anymore. Oh well, no one is going to read this unless I send them a link so, it doesn’t matter! #LoveMyLife

Until next month (because, let’s be honest, I will never be able to write consistently),

Lucy 💕