Don’t be a homewrecker. Trust me, it’s the worst. Now, let me explain something. I didn’t set out to become a homewrecker. In fact, I don’t think I even knew what that term meant, let alone how to be one. But you know how the saying goes – love makes you do crazy things.
When I met – let’s call him Mr. Brightside – I wasn’t looking for love. I had actually accepted the fact that I was destined to die alone. But still, in walked the man of my 15-year-old dreams, and so began what would be simultaneously the best and worst three years of my life.
YEAR ONE: I Will Follow You Into the Dark
He was the boyfriend of one of my best friends. I was actually into his older brother, which may have been why I didn’t notice my feelings for him for such a long time. I still remember the first time he talked to me.
It didn’t make sense to me then, but over the course of the next few days, that stupid joke would begin one helluva on-again, off-again relationship. But, like how most teenage relationships are, the hormones took control and parents slammed the brakes. The one thing everyone fails to mention about breakups is how terrible the withdrawals are.
YEAR TWO: If You Love Me, Let Me Go
During this year, we spent more time than ever texting and calling, trading photos of things that reminded us of our past relationship, and built several versions of an escape plan called Project R.U.N.W.A.Y., which is what we believed would be the only way for us to spend the rest of our lives together. Over 1,000 emails were exchanged, most of them in French (Thank you, Google Translate), detailing the elaborate plan. But during this year, I found that the obsession with him, coupled with the constant stream of attention, led me into isolating myself from my family, and though I didn’t know it yet, tipped the scales on my later depression and anxiety issues.
It seemed like every other week we were breaking up and then getting back together, only to break each other’s hearts and begin the cycle over and over again. I didn’t know how to be alone, how to find myself after being attached to someone for so long. He did just fine, and routinely found a new girlfriend – but they never lasted. We tried to have a platonic relationship, because honestly, we had a million things to talk about. Surely, we could be friends without benefits, right?
YEAR THREE: It Was Only a Kiss, How Did it End up Like This?
The last year of our on-again, off-again relationship was heartbreaking, to say the least. No one ever tells you that the homewreckers have feelings, too. They’re all just painted as heartless, conniving fiends with no regard for those around them. But we’re not. In fact, most of us aren’t even looking for a home to wreck, it just happens, and we lose control. That’s what happened to me. I ruined so many friendships because of my complete and utter obsession with him, my uncontrollable desires, and all the stupid things I did to get him to notice me, like getting drunk and hooking up with the wrong people. After a night of awkward, half-drunken sex, we finally made the decision that we are better as friends, and ended the tumultuous relationship all together.
I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I don’t think about him from time to time. There’s no way someone can every get completely over a relationship like that. But you move on, you find someone else, you live happily ever after. It’s life. Don’t throw away your shot.
Lucy's Diary 